1
00:00:20,460 --> 00:00:23,100
So talk to me then.
What does it say?

2
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:25,479
You talk about the back of beyond.
We could be absolutely

3
00:00:25,479 --> 00:00:28,818
- anywhere by now.
- Well, it's not my fault, is it?

4
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,013
Give us it here, a sec.

5
00:00:44,013 --> 00:00:46,359
I could've picked a more
rubbish navigator?

6
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,572
What was that last place
we went through?

7
00:00:48,572 --> 00:00:50,916
Lower Squiddlyswick or something.

8
00:00:50,916 --> 00:00:52,260
And that's got to be an hour ago.

9
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:56,300
God knows.
I'm getting such a headache.

10
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:04,520
Look, if it's all the same with you, I
think I'm just going to get out and ask.

11
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,000
What do you mean "ask"? Ask who?

12
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,153
I don't know.

13
00:01:07,153 --> 00:01:08,966
Whoever lives in that
house over there.

14
00:01:08,966 --> 00:01:10,199
Try my luck, at least.

15
00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:13,380
What are you talking about?
What house?

16
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,360
Have you...?

17
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,880
Got the handbrake
on or did we just...?

18
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,340
There was a house!

19
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:32,040
Like... a funny little cottage!

20
00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:36,820
Oh, great.
So now I'm seeing things.

21
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,240
Stay right where you are.

22
00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:21,540
SHE SHRIEKS

23
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,280
MIAOW!

24
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,080
DISTANT SHRIEKING

25
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:46,220
SOBBING

26
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,360
She does our daily washing...

27
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:36,400
I hope I'm not breaking the flow.

28
00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:47,760
So, regarding your duties outside,
this is the main terrace area.

29
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:51,440
It just needs a bit of a sweep each
morning to clear away any debris.

30
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,453
Right.

31
00:04:52,453 --> 00:04:56,649
And a good, thorough scrub-down three
times a week with a fungicidal agent.

32
00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:57,537
Very good.

33
00:04:57,540 --> 00:04:59,960
Paying special attention
to the grouting.

34
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:00,660
Okay.

35
00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:03,580
The drains I would only bother
with every four days.

36
00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:06,106
- Drains?
- You've got slender arms.

37
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,974
If there's anything nasty
growing down there,

38
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,798
I'm sure you'll catch it early.

39
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,900
Human excrement in the mail-box.

40
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:14,840
Used to be a dreadful problem,
of course, years ago.

41
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,420
Intended for the previous
owner, but...

42
00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:20,200
Unfortunately he never
left a forwarding address.

43
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,580
And then at six o'clock every night,

44
00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:26,160
if you could just make sure the
log basket's full in the lounge.

45
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,260
It might need a couple of trips.

46
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,700
- Any questions so far?
- No.

47
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:35,260
Well it's certainly quite a full
schedule then, Mrs. Gantry.

48
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,960
And underneath here would be,
what, some sort of coal-hole, or...?

49
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:42,400
Oh, no longer used, of course, since
Mr. Dore and his wife moved in.

50
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,440
Carbon footprints and all that.

51
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,680
Oh, sorry. Is it all right if I just...?

52
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:53,880
Whatever you need to do, Emily.

53
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,240
- Oh, thanks.
- Two minutes, I'll be out of your hair.

54
00:05:57,780 --> 00:06:00,060
Oh, God! Sorry, I'm so sorry.

55
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,900
Oh, this will have to go back
and be re-done. She'll kill me.

56
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:05,200
- Don't be silly. Here.
- What am I like?

57
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,220
I won't tell if you won't.

58
00:06:07,260 --> 00:06:08,380
Thanks.

59
00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:11,140
Otherwise I'll be out on my
ear before I've even started.

60
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:13,200
You'll have me down
as a right liability.

61
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,920
Nothing of the sort. Now come
on, there we go. You got them?

62
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,760
- Thank you. That's lovely.
- No problem.

63
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:18,686
There we go.

64
00:06:18,686 --> 00:06:22,058
So, another really late one for
you then, was it, last night?

65
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,180
Beavering away out
there, you were.

66
00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:28,340
Well, I'm afraid the creative
impulse rarely keeps regular hours.

67
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:31,440
All these plots you come up with.

68
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,220
How do you even begin...

69
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,960
to get inside the mind of a murderer?

70
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,286
Ah, the trick, of course,

71
00:06:37,286 --> 00:06:40,488
is to fool the reader into
trusting all the wrong people.

72
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,820
And then, in the most apparently
innocent and everyday details,

73
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,380
slowly sow the seeds of terror.

74
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:03,900
Do me a favour and
smell that mango.

75
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:08,080
- Beeswax.
- Who polishes fruit, Hugo?

76
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,560
Next thing you know she'll
be simonising the bananas.

77
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,926
I think one can take pride in
one's kitchen a little too...

78
00:07:12,926 --> 00:07:14,939
...Mrs. Gantry, are you well?

79
00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:17,260
Oh, just a word about
the new recruit.

80
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:19,940
I know it's only her
second day, but, er...

81
00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:22,100
If you could get something
slightly more appropriate

82
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:25,020
organised by way of
her working wardrobe?

83
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:27,440
Just to give my husband a
fighting chance with his deadline?

84
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,960
Leave it with me, Mrs. Dore.

85
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:32,820
Is that a thumb-print
on that mango?

86
00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:35,340
How did I miss that?

87
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,260
That might be a better
option for tomorrow.

88
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,926
I should hate to see
history repeating itself.

89
00:07:49,926 --> 00:07:52,039
Sorry? History?

90
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,480
What are you talking about?

91
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:57,892
Oh, well, you see, the
folly of unrequited lust

92
00:07:57,892 --> 00:08:01,820
has more than once brought
tragedy upon this house.

93
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:05,400
According to the story,
in the late 1880s,

94
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,320
a young Egyptian woman
of striking beauty

95
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,080
came to work here
as a housekeeper.

96
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,040
Her name was Selima al-Sharad.

97
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,840
And scarcely had she joined the
household of Dr. Thadeus Northcote,

98
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:24,480
than she found herself attending to
his needs by night as well as day.

99
00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:32,486
Until finally, when his
passion for her cooled,

100
00:08:32,486 --> 00:08:36,840
a strange demonic force is
said to have transformed her

101
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,500
from seductress to sorceress.

102
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:42,286
And she put a curse
on her former lover,

103
00:08:42,286 --> 00:08:45,332
predicting the exact
date and time of day

104
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:49,959
that he would meet a
dreadful, agonising death.

105
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,800
Well, as a man of science,

106
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,700
he had little time for any
suggestion of witchcraft,

107
00:08:57,740 --> 00:09:02,000
and simply went about his
business in the normal way.

108
00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:08,140
Until the appointed
hour came round.

109
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:13,300
She afterwards claimed that
through some divine faculty

110
00:09:13,340 --> 00:09:17,360
she'd actually seen
"Death" approaching.

111
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:24,140
And the vision had struck
terror into her heart.

112
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:28,300
But the strange thing was,
no creature or living being

113
00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:32,420
had come within 20 yards
of him when it happened.

114
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:38,840
Nor could any other method or
means of his murder be found.

115
00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:42,820
Not a mark or injury
anywhere on his body,

116
00:09:42,820 --> 00:09:47,860
or any suggestion or
possibility he'd taken poison.

117
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:53,700
And so her act of vengeance,
through whatever supernatural agency,

118
00:09:53,740 --> 00:09:57,340
forever went unpunished.

119
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:00,540
And of course,

120
00:10:00,580 --> 00:10:04,620
this is the very room
in which she slept.

121
00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:07,960
Some say, still sleeps.

122
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,880
If you believe in the
power of a restless spirit

123
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:16,140
to take control of a person's soul.

124
00:10:17,260 --> 00:10:19,720
Okay, so we come in
off the lighting change

125
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,640
with a whip-spot to find the table.

126
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:27,060
And...

127
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,380
...bon appetit.

128
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,820
On the night, we can but
hope, you'll be smiling.

129
00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:33,286
Are you kidding?

130
00:10:33,286 --> 00:10:34,812
The heat I've been
taking last seven days,

131
00:10:34,812 --> 00:10:36,538
we'll be lucky if it gets to air.

132
00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:39,240
Oh, man, is my career
really in the crapper.

133
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:43,580
Well, you will go out on these high-
profile charity assignments to Africa.

134
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:46,180
You could choose your words
more carefully in future.

135
00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:48,020
Goddamn Magic Relief!

136
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:50,220
They got you by the nuts every time.

137
00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:52,160
Do you know how long it
took to get from the hotel

138
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,046
to that Catholic mission
station in the desert?

139
00:10:55,046 --> 00:10:56,539
Six hours.

140
00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:59,280
Couple of nuns come out to greet
me, what else am I going to say?

141
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:02,920
Anything, hopefully, but
"Jesus, I'm starving".

142
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:06,320
It's not your biggest lapse
in taste ever, I'll grant you,

143
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,920
it's up there, would you say?

144
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,240
Okay, go.

145
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,040
So now they've got to keep sticking
it to me with this shit every day.

146
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,280
Here we go again.

147
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,580
"Not content with flaunting his
sick humour in the famine zone,"

148
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:27,480
"the egregious xenophobe
was on more odious form"

149
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,640
"as we travelled to a native
village on the Eritrean border,"

150
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,360
"where he was heard to remarked,"

151
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,740
"'Let's hope we don't
all get eaten alive'",

152
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,126
"a reference, he later claimed"

153
00:11:36,126 --> 00:11:39,048
"to the high incidence
of locusts in the region."

154
00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:42,320
"Although to this correspondent
the words were clearly more redolent"

155
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,480
"of cannibals and cooking pots."

156
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,760
It's the press, Adam, it's
what they do. Get over it.

157
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,260
Oh, why is this so stiff?

158
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,560
Just bear with me a sec.

159
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,880
Anyway, where's the rest
of our cast got to today?

160
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,500
Hey! What's happening?

161
00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:05,060
Is this a turn-up?

162
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:08,560
I've got a meeting just down the road
at six and I suddenly remembered

163
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,120
it was round here somewhere you
always hold your top-secret rehearsals.

164
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,580
Of course, I didn't know
the exact address.

165
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:15,400
I had to ask a woman
at the bus-stop, but...

166
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:19,286
So how's it all going? Feel free
to acknowledge my presence.

167
00:12:21,086 --> 00:12:22,159
Is that...?

168
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,080
That's to stop him licking himself.

169
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,940
It's not something you want to watch.

170
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,620
Look, if you've come
here looking for a job

171
00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:30,960
because you're had
enough of waitressing,

172
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,000
sorry, you're out of luck.
What's happened?

173
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,560
The bottom fallen out of the Paranormal
Problem-Solving business?

174
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,033
Who said I was looking for work?

175
00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:41,899
I don't know where you get
the idea I've been waitressing.

176
00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:44,680
The slight reddening of your
fingertips is characteristic

177
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,720
of someone who's recently
been handling hot plates.

178
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:52,200
Now the chafing on your knees almost
certainly the result of cleaning floors.

179
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,180
Both consistent with
nightly work in a restaurant.

180
00:12:55,220 --> 00:12:57,426
While the absence of shopping

181
00:12:57,426 --> 00:13:00,938
appears to suggest you've
recently fallen on hard times.

182
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:06,380
Add to this, the faint imprint of the
letters "cav snoit" on your forearm

183
00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:11,180
where you've been leaning on the words
"Situations vacant" in the small ads,

184
00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:13,500
the conclusion is a simple one.

185
00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:15,960
Well, here's another fine mess.

186
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,900
- She just quit.
- Who did?

187
00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:21,960
Who did? Sunitri, our uniquely
gifted Bengali showgirl.

188
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,580
Said she couldn't
in all conscience

189
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:27,660
continue to work with a
barefaced, racist bigot.

190
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,280
Three hours to curtain up, Jonathan.

191
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,800
Who the hell's going to do
the Indian Basket Trick?

192
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,740
Oh, shut your row.
Come on, how hard can it be?

193
00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:37,520
Just poke them through
and I'll get out the way.

194
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,280
Just poke them through?

195
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,320
Have you any idea of the immense
physical precision required here?

196
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,980
It takes years of training to perfect
the complex curvature of the joints.

197
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:48,820
Not even close. You got any more?

198
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:50,420
She's going to end
up like a pin cushion.

199
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:53,820
Hey, little star, you're
doing great in there!

200
00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:55,900
Any problems, just holler!

201
00:13:55,940 --> 00:14:00,220
Nope. It's all easy peasy so
far, just keep them coming.

202
00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:04,600
This is amazing.
Very last one now, on its way.

203
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,460
Ya, I'm still cool in here.

204
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,900
You know, I reckon you could
easily get another one in.

205
00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:11,600
Straight down, through the top.

206
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,060
Are you serious?

207
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:17,360
Just need to squeeze my shoulders
back another half an inch, and

208
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,900
I need to suck myself in.

209
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:24,880
- Perfect!
- Oh, man! Will you look at that?

210
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,020
Where did you find this girl?
She's a natural.

211
00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:34,380
I tell you, you're going to slay
them out there, big time.

212
00:14:34,420 --> 00:14:38,340
- Come on. I'll see you on the ice.
- Yeah, see you later.

213
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,960
Look, what is it?

214
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,560
That she's good, that she's young?

215
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,100
That she's every bit
as smart as you are?

216
00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:56,380
I tell you, 27 years,

217
00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:59,606
I've never known anyone
pick up a trick that fast.

218
00:14:59,606 --> 00:15:02,139
We'll see.

219
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:04,860
Okay, what is it?

220
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:09,300
The old Magic Johnson not
making the net enough lately?

221
00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:11,200
So listen, get to work!

222
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,760
You're on your own
in town for the night.

223
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,610
I tell you, it's out there, man,
on every street corner.

224
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:17,820
You just got to know
how to reel it in.

225
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:19,940
And the way you do that...

226
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:22,000
...it's with the eyes.

227
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,920
That's how you communicate
your intentions.

228
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,200
Check it out.

229
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,980
See what I'm saying with my eyes?

230
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:36,820
"Come to me tonight,
entrust me with your body,"

231
00:15:36,860 --> 00:15:42,400
"and I will pleasure every inch of it,
until you scream for mercy."

232
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:49,200
Yeah, forgive me if I don't rush
out and buy your latest manual

233
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,220
on gender politics any time soon.

234
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:56,280
In the same series, I think wasn't it,
as "Dot Cotton on Super-String Theory"?

235
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,620
You know I'm right, Jonathan.
On every street corner.

236
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:02,060
You've just got to make it happen.

237
00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:11,460
APPLAUSE

238
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:25,373
So, shall I...?

239
00:17:25,373 --> 00:17:27,379
- Whatever.
- ...go first?

240
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,806
It's funny, isn't it,

241
00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:38,392
how you can spend months

242
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:40,108
and years

243
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,600
getting to know someone

244
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,280
and then still never
get to know them.

245
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:45,700
Huh, tell me about it.

246
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:47,740
When I actually think,

247
00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:50,580
all you really need to
know about someone

248
00:17:50,580 --> 00:17:52,880
you know in the first five minutes.

249
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,080
So you think our life stories
will keep for another time?

250
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,440
Give us something to
talk about in our old age.

251
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,060
There's just two things you
should know about me, actually.

252
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,460
I don't do tongues in ears.

253
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,920
Always found it a bit disgusting,
for some reason.

254
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,600
And don't be alarmed

255
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,120
if I suddenly wake up screaming
in the middle of the night.

256
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,600
It's just, when I was 17,

257
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:23,060
I had this completely
strange thing happen to me.

258
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,740
There was this woman I was
sharing a flat with at the time.

259
00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:28,800
That's another story.

260
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,040
And the two of us were out
in the country one day,

261
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:36,600
middle of nowhere,
and there was this cottage,

262
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,700
in a field,

263
00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:41,140
that was there one minute,

264
00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:45,060
and then, so bizarre,

265
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:48,560
just completely
vanished into thin air.

266
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,880
And when I went over to look around,

267
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,620
there was this horrible old man

268
00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:57,860
slithering about on the ground.

269
00:18:57,900 --> 00:19:00,160
Scared me half to death.

270
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,260
To say that weird stuff
keeps following me around!

271
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,760
It's like one day I'm working in this
shoe shop and this guy comes in,

272
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,652
and he says, he's looking for an
assistant for his housekeeper.

273
00:19:11,652 --> 00:19:14,078
And serious money, so...

274
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:18,180
And I get there, and it
turns out that 100 years ago,

275
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:21,680
there was like this really bizarre
murder, which no-one could explain.

276
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,186
- Is that right?
- Sorry?

277
00:19:23,186 --> 00:19:25,319
Weird stuff?

278
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,920
Like, unexplained,
impossible things.

279
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,260
A bit of luck you ran into
me then really, wasn't it?

280
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,160
I have no idea what
you are talking about.

281
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,560
Oh, you mean the only
reason you wanted to come

282
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,420
over here tonight was
because you really liked me,

283
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:40,560
as a person, you just happened
to bump into at a bus stop,

284
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,360
just purely and totally by accident?

285
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,160
Look, I don't know what you...

286
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,300
Suddenly this all
feels very strange.

287
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,440
I think...

288
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,840
maybe I'd better just...

289
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:10,240
CYCLE BELL RINGS

290
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,360
Morning.

291
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,680
Come in.

292
00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:40,113
- Your post.
- Oh, thank you.

293
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,879
By the way, I don't know if
Mrs. Gantry mentioned to you.

294
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,226
Our neighbours round the corner
are in New Zealand for the year.

295
00:20:45,226 --> 00:20:47,279
They've put the whole
place into hibernation.

296
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,860
I said we'd keep an eye
on the post for them.

297
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:52,100
Number 29, Ashwood House.

298
00:20:52,140 --> 00:20:56,360
If you'd just pop along there every
few days and have a sort through.

299
00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:01,760
Anything that looks vaguely
important, I'll get it forwarded.

300
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,080
What's this?

301
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,326
"You loathsome bitch."

302
00:21:10,326 --> 00:21:12,332
"Do not think you can
escape your fate."

303
00:21:12,332 --> 00:21:14,538
"In three days, you will be dead."

304
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:22,540
It's signed "Selima."

305
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,040
Wasn't she that woman...?

306
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,820
Perhaps you can explain why
it's in your handwriting?

307
00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:31,280
What? I never wrote that.
I swear to God, someone must've just...

308
00:21:35,020 --> 00:21:38,860
You believe me, surely?

309
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,260
All right.

310
00:21:43,860 --> 00:21:45,940
Just go.

311
00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:29,326
Good morning, good morning,
good morning!

312
00:22:29,326 --> 00:22:31,352
How are we all this
bright sunny day?

313
00:22:31,352 --> 00:22:34,178
Utterly brill house last night,
didn't you think?!

314
00:22:34,220 --> 00:22:36,840
The only thing, I've had
an idea how we can

315
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,560
make it look better
when I go up the rope.

316
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,640
Cos I just worry they
can tell I'm on a wire.

317
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,120
But how about if I climb
up the rope for real?

318
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,860
If you put enough tension in it,

319
00:22:46,900 --> 00:22:49,700
and then I could just secretly
hook the harness through

320
00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,400
when I get to the top,
just before the flash.

321
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,020
Cos when we did gym at school,
I was actually pretty damned nif...

322
00:22:55,060 --> 00:22:57,340
God, you look like death dug up.
What's happened?

323
00:22:57,380 --> 00:22:59,960
What happened is, I went to
bed last night in the real world

324
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,040
and woke up this morning
in a Kafka novel!

325
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,700
You show her, I can't bear to look.

326
00:23:03,740 --> 00:23:05,693
That gaff he made on Magic Relief

327
00:23:05,693 --> 00:23:09,139
turns out to have been a bit of
a gift to the internet satirists.

328
00:23:09,140 --> 00:23:11,746
Witness first, the original
clip on YouTube.

329
00:23:11,746 --> 00:23:13,599
Thanks for coming.

330
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,560
Hi, I'm Klaus. Congratulations.

331
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,100
And then witness the spoof version,

332
00:23:19,100 --> 00:23:23,500
currently riding rather
higher on 600,000 hits.

333
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,220
Oh, that is incredible.

334
00:23:27,260 --> 00:23:28,620
How've they done that?

335
00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:31,740
Well, they'd have had to use a
very sophisticated CG programme.

336
00:23:31,780 --> 00:23:34,380
The shirt, you're probably
looking at rotoscoping.

337
00:23:34,420 --> 00:23:35,920
Could've been a frame by frame job,

338
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,520
or sometimes with a moving
image you can just tell it

339
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,700
to lock onto a certain key point,

340
00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:43,380
and then it'll just track that
element for you as it goes...

341
00:23:43,420 --> 00:23:46,220
Yes, thank you!
Can you hear yourselves?

342
00:23:46,260 --> 00:23:50,420
I'm up here planning Operation
Barbarossa, and you're talking pixels!

343
00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:52,360
I've got to get on
to PA or something,

344
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,190
lay down some sort
of formal apology

345
00:23:54,190 --> 00:23:56,920
before this whole thing
goes thermo-nuclear.

346
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,960
Sweetheart, it's me.
Yeah, listen. I want...

347
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,260
Can you believe someone actually
sat up all night creating that?

348
00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:06,980
I mean, you've got to give them credit.
PHONE RINGS

349
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,680
Yeah, hello?

350
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,580
Oh, hi.

351
00:24:12,620 --> 00:24:15,880
Listen, I am so sorry you
didn't get my text last night.

352
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,040
It's just I had this amazing
last-minute thing come up

353
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,340
and I had to dash off again,
after you'd come in specially.

354
00:24:22,380 --> 00:24:24,600
'It was a bit of an
odd night in the end...'

355
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:28,480
I wound up with this guy I
met at a bus stop, who was...

356
00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:31,100
Well, not all I thought he'd be, and...

357
00:24:31,140 --> 00:24:33,600
Oh, God, really?

358
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,040
No, you want to be careful,

359
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,420
there are some serious wack-
jobs knocking about this town.

360
00:24:37,460 --> 00:24:38,860
You could come a right cropper.

361
00:24:38,860 --> 00:24:41,826
'Anyway, what I wanted
to talk to you about,'

362
00:24:41,826 --> 00:24:45,093
what took me to your
website, it's like,

363
00:24:45,093 --> 00:24:47,879
all that stuff I told
you on the phone,

364
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:51,080
about this woman and the doctor,

365
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:54,386
is starting to really freak
me out now, cos...

366
00:24:54,386 --> 00:24:56,419
The other day, right,

367
00:24:56,460 --> 00:24:59,540
I was outside, near the wood shed.

368
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,380
I tell you, Joey, something's
going on in this house.

369
00:25:30,420 --> 00:25:32,680
Something frightening.

370
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,220
'Like a treasure map or something.'

371
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,480
And this was hidden away
in the desk in his study?

372
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,900
Which she obviously
didn't want me to see.

373
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,400
It doesn't take a genius
to work out, does it?

374
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,540
Someone's got it in for
you round here, big time.

375
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,960
Dumbwoman's Lane?

376
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,060
Can't be many of them around.

377
00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:28,770
Intriguing.

378
00:28:28,770 --> 00:28:31,230
And there was no sign of
the soil being turned over

379
00:28:31,232 --> 00:28:33,578
or anything being
dug up or buried?

380
00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:35,986
In which case, what the
hell was she up to?

381
00:28:35,986 --> 00:28:38,219
I've been racking my brains.

382
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,520
Sounds as if you've got yourself a
real little House of Mysteries there,

383
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,420
with this, what's it called,
Green Lanterns place?

384
00:28:45,460 --> 00:28:47,980
Should keep you busy
for an hour or two.

385
00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:52,020
Hang on, what's that strange
smacking noise I can hear?

386
00:28:52,460 --> 00:28:54,600
Couldn't be the sound
of you licking your lips

387
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,340
at the prospect of getting
stuck into a case like this?

388
00:28:57,380 --> 00:28:58,960
I had a dog like that once.

389
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:00,870
Made you feel so guilty
if you didn't keep

390
00:29:00,870 --> 00:29:02,980
throwing this rubber ball
at him all the while.

391
00:29:03,020 --> 00:29:05,692
My trouble, I'm too good-
natured for my own good.

392
00:29:05,692 --> 00:29:06,978
Is that right?

393
00:29:07,020 --> 00:29:08,960
Though I don't suppose
Emily'd have a problem

394
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,200
if I brought in an office
junior as a sounding board.

395
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,380
Oh, really. Well, you can just...

396
00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:15,820
Emily?

397
00:29:15,820 --> 00:29:19,392
Do you know, it's a bit old
hat this, don't you reckon,

398
00:29:19,392 --> 00:29:22,478
flying round the stage as a fairy?

399
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:27,360
What if I was, I don't know, like a
little imp or something, all in red.

400
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,352
And he could be dressed as
maybe a wizard or something,

401
00:29:30,352 --> 00:29:32,118
like in that Mickey Mouse film.

402
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:33,480
Might run it past him,
see what he thinks.

403
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:35,930
So, so when you were
going to meet someone

404
00:29:35,930 --> 00:29:38,340
the other night, and
then couldn't make it...

405
00:29:38,380 --> 00:29:39,473
Sorry?

406
00:29:39,473 --> 00:29:44,359
Yes, I might have a bit of
repair work to do there,

407
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,780
by the sound of things...

408
00:29:46,820 --> 00:29:48,880
Oh dear.

409
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,160
How extremely unfortunate.

410
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,220
Oh, what've you found this time.

411
00:29:53,260 --> 00:29:56,313
Hi, my name's Adam Klaus,

412
00:29:56,313 --> 00:29:58,019
and I just want to take a moment
before I go onstage...

413
00:29:58,060 --> 00:30:01,840
What on earth possessed him to
record it in his dressing room?

414
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,880
...do what I love doing most of all,

415
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:07,280
entertaining people of
all races and creeds,

416
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:11,960
to register a big, heartfelt apology
for what I now realise was a stupid

417
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:16,020
and unguarded remark on my
recent trip for Magic Relief.

418
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:20,360
Anyone who really knows me,
knows my stance on the issue

419
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:21,760
of race relations could
not be more positive...

420
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,580
You can kind of see where
it's going, I think...

421
00:30:24,580 --> 00:30:27,760
It was the legendary
Stevie Wonder who said

422
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,820
"Ebony and Ivory"

423
00:30:30,860 --> 00:30:35,260
"live together in peaceful harmony."

424
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,380
Man, I'm playing that piano.

425
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:41,300
So, this would be...?

426
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:42,980
Fairly simple colour key.

427
00:30:43,020 --> 00:30:45,040
Amazing.

428
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:09,000
Oh, God. No!

429
00:31:13,540 --> 00:31:15,800
Ow! Ow!

430
00:31:15,860 --> 00:31:19,900
KNOCKING
Emily? Emily, are you okay in there?

431
00:31:23,180 --> 00:31:24,660
What's the matter?

432
00:31:24,660 --> 00:31:26,140
Oh, you poor thing.

433
00:31:26,180 --> 00:31:28,440
- Shh, it's all right.It's all right.

434
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:29,800
- It's all right.
- It was so real...

435
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,100
- It's all right.
- I was so frightened...

436
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:36,780
Mr. Dore,

437
00:31:36,820 --> 00:31:40,200
is everything all right?
I heard such screams.

438
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,240
No, it's okay. It's okay.

439
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,000
A bulb must have blown,
I think, that's all.

440
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:46,800
This is really embarassing.

441
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,820
Just watch where you're treading,
there's glass everywhere.

442
00:31:49,860 --> 00:31:52,140
Do you want to go and reset
the fuses? Everything's fine.

443
00:31:57,380 --> 00:32:00,640
I'm so sorry. It was just
that picture on the wall

444
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,460
frightened me half to death.

445
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,180
- I just...
- Really?

446
00:32:05,180 --> 00:32:07,380
What about the picture?

447
00:32:13,060 --> 00:32:15,140
Well, it was...

448
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,400
I don't know now.

449
00:32:19,740 --> 00:32:21,526
Maybe I just...

450
00:32:21,526 --> 00:32:24,398
Okay. Look, Harriet,
she's probably just tired.

451
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:29,280
Come on, why don't we leave
you in peace, sleep it off?

452
00:32:29,820 --> 00:32:33,300
One second. What do we have here?

453
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,800
What am I supposed to make of this?

454
00:33:03,100 --> 00:33:06,320
Morning. I think you've
already met this person.

455
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:11,340
Emily, feel free to
tell me to bugger off.

456
00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:14,180
Obviously, you're going
to be a mass of nerves.

457
00:33:14,220 --> 00:33:18,860
Who wouldn't, with all the madness
that's going on around here?

458
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:25,120
Insecurities can play havoc
with your mental health,

459
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,900
as I unfortunately
managed to demonstrate,

460
00:33:27,900 --> 00:33:30,240
not very thoughtfully,
the other night.

461
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,700
What he's trying to say is he's
such an anally fixated big-head,

462
00:33:33,740 --> 00:33:35,480
he thought the only
reason you wanted him

463
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,320
was for his world-famous
powers of deduction.

464
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:42,440
As opposed to his charming
personality and animal magnetism.

465
00:33:43,100 --> 00:33:46,106
But look, come on,
you've got to hang in here

466
00:33:46,106 --> 00:33:50,388
and not just go imagining this woman's
somehow taken over your mind,

467
00:33:50,388 --> 00:33:52,779
making you write those
weird notes and whatever.

468
00:33:52,820 --> 00:33:55,392
That's just horror story time,
it's not real.

469
00:33:55,392 --> 00:34:00,380
Sometimes I think...
my whole life is a horror story.

470
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:04,060
That house that just disappeared.

471
00:34:04,100 --> 00:34:05,300
The man in the grass.

472
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,320
It's like...

473
00:34:08,620 --> 00:34:12,020
maybe I can see things sometimes

474
00:34:12,460 --> 00:34:14,860
that aren't there any more.

475
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,620
You know, the mystery
of the vanishing cottage

476
00:34:20,660 --> 00:34:24,280
may be the least challenging
of this whole puzzle.

477
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,820
And when you stop and think
about it, the man in the grass

478
00:34:27,860 --> 00:34:32,300
would be part of the only
explanation that could possibly fit.

479
00:34:32,340 --> 00:34:34,700
It's a bit of a flyer,

480
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:39,040
but the real clue to
what you saw that night

481
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,600
will almost certainly
be the weather.

482
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,226
Excuse me, I'm very sorry to interrupt.
Jonathan Creek, is it?

483
00:34:44,226 --> 00:34:46,619
- I'm Harriet.
- Joey Ross.

484
00:34:46,660 --> 00:34:49,032
I'm afraid I'm going to have to
steal your friend away for a while.

485
00:34:49,032 --> 00:34:50,918
Top guest room, if you would,
Emily, in five minutes.

486
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,980
Some of that bed linen from the
other day really won't do, I'm afraid.

487
00:34:55,820 --> 00:34:59,700
No, no, you jest. How could I object
to a visit from Jonathan Creek?

488
00:34:59,740 --> 00:35:01,740
I mean, we plough a
similar furrow, don't we?

489
00:35:01,780 --> 00:35:04,860
- I plot them, you solve them.
- Murders.

490
00:35:07,900 --> 00:35:10,400
I've not long been
back here, of course.

491
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,100
The family home,
this where we all grew up.

492
00:35:13,140 --> 00:35:18,480
My brother and I, well it
seems like ancient history now.

493
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:23,560
Till I took off overseas, earned a crust
or two, and then a couple of years ago,

494
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,360
fresh marriage, fresh start,

495
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:29,560
something seemed to
just beckon me back.

496
00:35:29,700 --> 00:35:33,920
The lingering air perhaps,
of Victorian mystery.

497
00:35:36,060 --> 00:35:39,800
You'll be familiar, I imagine,
with the nuts and bolts of the case?

498
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,340
An absolute classic of
its kind, by all accounts.

499
00:35:43,380 --> 00:35:47,640
Victim remotely positioned,
under constant observation,

500
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:52,300
succumbs to his fate at a
time precisely predicted.

501
00:35:52,340 --> 00:35:56,220
The cause of his death never
resolved from that day to this.

502
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:02,020
Unsurprisingly, this Egyptian
femme fatale character

503
00:36:02,060 --> 00:36:05,180
was not slow, after that,

504
00:36:05,220 --> 00:36:09,020
to exploit her celebrity status.

505
00:36:09,060 --> 00:36:11,920
I've ransacked her personal
account of those years for

506
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,980
some sort of clue,
how she did it, but...

507
00:36:18,940 --> 00:36:24,326
Em, yes, riveting as all this is, of
course, to students of ancient history,

508
00:36:24,326 --> 00:36:27,046
there's a small matter of
unexplained death threats

509
00:36:27,046 --> 00:36:29,060
which I don't know if anyone's taking
very seriously around here, but...

510
00:36:29,060 --> 00:36:33,540
No, no, no, it's most alarming,
particularly the one last night.

511
00:36:33,580 --> 00:36:35,980
First of all, who could
have put it there?

512
00:36:36,020 --> 00:36:39,100
And more to the point,
what the hell does it mean?

513
00:36:39,340 --> 00:36:41,860
"Beware the approach of Isis."

514
00:36:41,900 --> 00:36:43,126
Isis being?

515
00:36:43,126 --> 00:36:46,778
An ancient Egyptian deity,
fertility goddess if I remember.

516
00:36:46,820 --> 00:36:48,820
Or a part of the River
Thames in Oxfordshire

517
00:36:48,820 --> 00:36:50,220
depending on your preference.

518
00:36:50,260 --> 00:36:54,360
Picked up some interesting pieces
then, Mr. Dore, on your travels.

519
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,760
Except for that one, funnily enough.

520
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,060
Discovered one day here in the attic.

521
00:36:59,100 --> 00:37:01,840
It seems to date right
back to the earliest owner.

522
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,240
Some sort of primitive
reed instrument apparently.

523
00:37:05,780 --> 00:37:08,180
Look, I'm going to have to
love you and leave you for now.

524
00:37:08,220 --> 00:37:11,580
One or two calls to make, so
hopefully catch up with you later.

525
00:37:15,980 --> 00:37:19,040
An Ellison Starberth Mystery.

526
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:21,140
You ever read any of these?

527
00:37:21,180 --> 00:37:23,980
I'm afraid I have.

528
00:37:24,020 --> 00:37:25,620
What?

529
00:37:25,660 --> 00:37:27,980
No, it's just,

530
00:37:28,020 --> 00:37:30,980
the way the dust in here's
been disturbed, I'd say this has

531
00:37:31,020 --> 00:37:34,940
been very recently removed,
and then put back again.

532
00:37:37,660 --> 00:37:38,980
So who's doing it?

533
00:37:39,020 --> 00:37:42,140
Dodgy death threats
and phoney photographs.

534
00:37:42,180 --> 00:37:44,000
You've only got a choice of three.

535
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:48,820
Or four, if we count the spirit of our
Victorian witch, whatever she was,

536
00:37:48,860 --> 00:37:51,680
who appears able to
re-materialise in a pile of logs.

537
00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:55,160
Ah, now, I've got a pretty
good idea how that was done.

538
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,420
Father Alberic, how are you today?

539
00:38:03,460 --> 00:38:07,920
I'm a bit earlier than I said, Mrs.
Gantry, I hope it's not inconvenient.

540
00:38:08,780 --> 00:38:12,680
Now, you'll correct me if I'm
wrong here, I've no doubt,

541
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,480
but was there not a very
old magic trick once

542
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:19,960
where you had this big sheet of glass
on the stage, tipped over at an angle,

543
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:23,786
and then some bod in the orchestra
pit, who'd be reflected upwards,

544
00:38:23,786 --> 00:38:25,699
to look all kind of
eerie and translucent.

545
00:38:25,740 --> 00:38:30,400
Pepper's Ghost.
First patented February 1863.

546
00:38:31,540 --> 00:38:37,220
Which means all they'd have to do
would be to prop up their glass here

547
00:38:37,260 --> 00:38:39,100
and then your ghostly actor,

548
00:38:39,100 --> 00:38:42,026
probably just with this woman's photo
stuck on their face or something,

549
00:38:42,026 --> 00:38:46,318
would just take up position down below,
underneath the open trapdoor.

550
00:38:47,820 --> 00:38:50,140
HE SNEEZES

551
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:53,472
I should never make the
mistake of stroking a long-hair,

552
00:38:53,472 --> 00:38:55,218
they always set me off.

553
00:38:55,260 --> 00:38:56,940
I'm sorry about that.

554
00:38:56,940 --> 00:39:00,500
He'll settle down now,
over there by the bird table.

555
00:39:00,540 --> 00:39:02,320
Can I get you an antihistamine or...

556
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,660
I won't risk it with
the blood-thinners.

557
00:39:04,700 --> 00:39:09,140
Heaven knows, I'm a walking
dispensary these days, Mrs. Gantry.

558
00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:11,180
They think there might
be an early malignancy

559
00:39:11,180 --> 00:39:13,180
knocking about in there somewhere.

560
00:39:13,180 --> 00:39:16,180
But apart from that, you're well?

561
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,160
You're not going to do anything
silly with that trap-door?

562
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,220
I know, but we don't want....

563
00:40:22,060 --> 00:40:23,720
I suppose you're going to
say this is all my fault?

564
00:40:23,720 --> 00:40:25,700
Yes!

565
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,020
I mean, she comes
in here every day,

566
00:40:29,020 --> 00:40:31,000
at six, I think it is,

567
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:32,800
so it's not like we'll be
stuck down here forever.

568
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,313
Oh, just the 5½ hours then,

569
00:40:35,313 --> 00:40:37,386
imprisoned in an
airless dungeon beneath

570
00:40:37,386 --> 00:40:40,459
half a hundredweight of tree stumps.

571
00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:43,620
Why we both had to come down in the
first place, I'm not entirely sure!

572
00:40:43,660 --> 00:40:45,720
Well, so we could check
out that theory,

573
00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:48,380
see if there was a sheet
of glass that they...

574
00:40:52,780 --> 00:40:57,520
Fortunately, I like nothing better
when trapped in a coal-hole,

575
00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,640
than to curl up with a good book.

576
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,080
Might just help me to
forget about the fact that...

577
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,006
Yes, all right.

578
00:41:06,006 --> 00:41:09,278
I know what you're going to say, so
there's no need to say it, thank you.

579
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:10,620
What was I going to say?

580
00:41:10,620 --> 00:41:12,920
I know exactly what
you were going to say.

581
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:16,060
You don't need to make
things worse by saying it.

582
00:41:16,100 --> 00:41:17,952
We should never have had
those two cups of coffee.

583
00:41:17,952 --> 00:41:19,978
Just shut up and read!

584
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,500
It was cos it was linen,
it was kind of hard to do.

585
00:41:23,540 --> 00:41:25,420
Is that one okay, though?
I'm not sure.

586
00:41:25,460 --> 00:41:28,700
No. And if I could just
see this one. Same problem.

587
00:41:28,740 --> 00:41:31,100
So you've recently acquired
a new helper, I hear?

588
00:41:31,140 --> 00:41:34,960
That'll all end in tears,
the way things are going.

589
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,340
And why he thinks I can't
manage on my own any more?

590
00:41:38,380 --> 00:41:41,060
I'm as fit as I ever
was, Father Alberic.

591
00:41:41,100 --> 00:41:46,060
Fit enough, I hope, to come and buff up
my pews next Saturday at the usual time.

592
00:41:55,580 --> 00:41:58,900
All right, I am now
officially very bored.

593
00:41:58,940 --> 00:42:02,940
And very uncomfortable.
These cement bags are like rock.

594
00:42:04,900 --> 00:42:06,992
- Yes?
- I didn't say anything.

595
00:42:06,992 --> 00:42:11,680
Well, would you mind saying something,
before I go completely stir-crazy?

596
00:42:11,980 --> 00:42:14,380
What's that book told you so far?

597
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:19,280
So far, the victim was one
Dr. Thadeus Northcote,

598
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:21,660
prominent neuro-surgeon
and known associate of

599
00:42:21,660 --> 00:42:24,400
the eminent Victorian
scientist Francis Galton,

600
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:26,720
himself a close friend
of Charles Darwin.

601
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:30,200
Skipping the prologue?
Significant facts?

602
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,880
I don't know.

603
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:38,960
There's a whole bunch of photos in there
which may or may not tell us something.

604
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:43,380
The thing that keeps bugging me is this
business of the blood-curdling scream.

605
00:42:43,420 --> 00:42:47,860
The fact that she screamed
and then he collapsed.

606
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:52,306
According to her, because the
vision of Death approaching

607
00:42:52,306 --> 00:42:55,039
struck terror into her heart.

608
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,560
It's clearly bollocks.

609
00:42:58,100 --> 00:43:00,180
It's almost as if...

610
00:43:01,820 --> 00:43:05,880
No. What is very persuasive
is his theory that she

611
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:11,080
couldn't resist the idea of leaving
some kind of cryptic hint behind,

612
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,620
somewhere in the book,
about how she pulled it off.

613
00:43:14,660 --> 00:43:18,680
It may be nothing, but if you look at
that dedication she's put in the front.

614
00:43:20,900 --> 00:43:24,900
"With thanks to HCN,
none but we may know."

615
00:43:24,940 --> 00:43:27,820
And Northcote's wife
was named Helen.

616
00:43:27,860 --> 00:43:30,820
What, you think the two women
might've been in cahoots somehow?

617
00:43:30,860 --> 00:43:32,633
I don't know. What I do know is

618
00:43:32,633 --> 00:43:36,679
I'm absolutely going to burst
in a minute if I don't...

619
00:43:37,620 --> 00:43:39,700
Hang on a sec.

620
00:43:41,860 --> 00:43:43,893
Light!

621
00:43:43,893 --> 00:43:48,559
Oh, I don't believe this,
what are the chances?!

622
00:43:48,820 --> 00:43:50,600
That's the very thing!

623
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,720
Cement bags indeed.

624
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:54,746
You know what you've
got here, don't you?

625
00:43:54,746 --> 00:43:56,839
Do I? What?

626
00:43:57,180 --> 00:44:01,200
Oh, you are jok...
Cat litter?

627
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,000
However long's this been here?

628
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,280
Thank you, God.

629
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:11,720
You're not seriously
going to use that?

630
00:44:16,300 --> 00:44:20,180
"All-natural, instant-
clumping clay formula."

631
00:44:22,140 --> 00:44:25,420
Just hold that steady, is all I ask.

632
00:44:25,660 --> 00:44:27,940
Try not to wobble.

633
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,460
I think we're running a bit
dry here, Mrs. Gantry.

634
00:44:30,460 --> 00:44:33,140
Any chance of a top-up?

635
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,006
Won't be two seconds.

636
00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:37,318
So you're managing to get some
down time, I hope, Father.

637
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:38,200
Oh, yes.

638
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:39,940
Still hanging in with
the old carpentry?

639
00:44:39,980 --> 00:44:42,280
I always say if I have a vice,

640
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,680
it's to be screwed on
the edge of a bench.

641
00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:48,780
And that's got me into trouble
on more than one occasion.

642
00:44:49,220 --> 00:44:51,740
Better?

643
00:44:51,580 --> 00:44:53,980
You sure you don't want to...?

644
00:44:54,020 --> 00:44:56,440
Much better, thank you.

645
00:44:56,480 --> 00:45:00,820
There's plenty more there,
if you should feel the need.

646
00:45:00,860 --> 00:45:03,520
So how long's that coffee
had to percolate now?

647
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:05,840
A good 2½ hour...

648
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,540
Oh God, no.

649
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,620
- "Beware the approach of Isis."
- What?

650
00:45:14,860 --> 00:45:17,800
That just took me back to
when we were in the kitchen.

651
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,400
Because what did that first note say?

652
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:23,520
"In three days you will be dead."

653
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:25,700
Isis.

654
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,120
I think I know now what it means.

655
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,460
And it's not a river,
it's not an ancient Goddess.

656
00:45:31,460 --> 00:45:32,960
Well, what does it mean?

657
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:37,340
What it means, I've
got a horrible feeling,

658
00:45:37,380 --> 00:45:41,360
is that Harriet Dore has only
got a minute left to live.

659
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,240
Thank you. Whoops.

660
00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:17,540
A drop more, Mr. Dore?

661
00:46:17,580 --> 00:46:18,533
What are you doing?

662
00:46:18,533 --> 00:46:20,186
Have you gone completely insane?!

663
00:46:20,186 --> 00:46:22,839
Get, get your hands off me!
Get away from me!

664
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:24,440
Dear God above.

665
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,360
- Mrs. Dore!
- You're mad!

666
00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:29,420
Help me!

667
00:46:29,660 --> 00:46:32,340
Help me, somebody, help me!

668
00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:34,920
This isn't happening.
Oh my God!

669
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:39,680
No! No!

670
00:46:43,820 --> 00:46:46,500
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

671
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:52,140
- Father, can you manage?
- Yes, yes.

672
00:46:55,980 --> 00:46:58,040
Stay with me, my darling.

673
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:00,600
Oh, my God.

674
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,620
All right, my darling.

675
00:47:04,260 --> 00:47:08,180
Mr. Dore, may God
have mercy on us!

676
00:47:08,620 --> 00:47:10,360
For God's sake, call for
a doctor, an ambulance!

677
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,960
- Yes, yes. Absolutely.
- Oh, my precious...

678
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:16,280
In the name of God, who did this?

679
00:47:25,420 --> 00:47:27,340
I couldn't stop her.

680
00:47:27,340 --> 00:47:30,380
She dragged me across the room,

681
00:47:30,380 --> 00:47:34,420
grabbed me by the
throat and pushed me.

682
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,360
No!

683
00:47:39,620 --> 00:47:42,500
I wasn't even there!

684
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:46,120
I'd just gone round to
put out the bins out,

685
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,760
ready for the...

686
00:47:49,460 --> 00:47:51,860
Oh, God!

687
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:08,600
She did it.

688
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,140
Emily!

689
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,700
She murdered me.

690
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:29,740
For God's sake, just get her up.

691
00:48:29,740 --> 00:48:32,380
And for God's sake, just leave us!

692
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:15,600
Officer, the young girl, she
can't have gone far. Find her!

693
00:49:31,980 --> 00:49:35,440
Help! Is there anyone out there?!

694
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,020
HIGH-PITCHED NOISE

695
00:51:32,180 --> 00:51:37,180
They had one of those, like,
police shrinks in here this morning.

696
00:51:37,220 --> 00:51:40,440
Reckons I'm distorting
things in my mind,

697
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:45,080
blocking out what happened,
cos I can't bear to face it.

698
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:47,740
What do you think, Jonathan?

699
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,260
You believe I killed her?

700
00:51:50,820 --> 00:51:53,800
I think that's what someone
wants us to believe.

701
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:55,880
And they've gone to a
hell of a lot of trouble

702
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:59,620
to put this case together
very convincingly.

703
00:51:59,620 --> 00:52:02,720
Somehow, we've got
to prise it apart.

704
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:04,960
That is not impossible.

705
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:10,100
The weirdest things sometimes, that
don't add up, once they're explained...

706
00:52:10,140 --> 00:52:15,620
That cottage you saw and then
didn't see, we've had a thought.

707
00:52:15,660 --> 00:52:21,440
Never mind how unlikely the thought,
just run with the sheer, cold analysis.

708
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:24,180
A building cannot disappear.

709
00:52:24,220 --> 00:52:27,280
It can't even seem to disappear.

710
00:52:27,620 --> 00:52:31,520
But what looks like a building,
that can seem to disappear,

711
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:36,240
that could have been placed in that field
deliberately, in the middle of nowhere,

712
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:40,260
for a purpose that's unlikely
to occur to any of us.

713
00:52:49,580 --> 00:52:53,840
These days, probably, no-one'd go
to the trouble of building the facade

714
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:59,540
of a fairytale cottage on location for
a scene in a movie now long forgotten,

715
00:52:59,580 --> 00:53:03,020
pending the arrival of a
film unit in a few days' time.

716
00:53:03,060 --> 00:53:07,700
When you first spotted it, during a lull
in the wind, the illusion's complete.

717
00:53:07,740 --> 00:53:10,820
A second later, our "night
watchman" character,

718
00:53:10,820 --> 00:53:13,600
there to keep an eye on the site

719
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,480
takes a nasty tumble.

720
00:53:32,260 --> 00:53:35,220
One of those things, I suppose.

721
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:38,300
We'll never know now, will we?

722
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:41,300
But it does just show that you...

723
00:53:41,340 --> 00:53:45,820
No, I don't suppose we ever will.

724
00:53:52,500 --> 00:53:56,840
We are all of us unique
and blessed before God,

725
00:53:56,880 --> 00:54:00,580
and the tragedy of any
loss touches us all.

726
00:54:00,620 --> 00:54:05,940
But while Harriet Dore
today is no longer flesh,

727
00:54:05,980 --> 00:54:10,480
her spirit, I know,
walks among us still.

728
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,660
Quite a fair turn-out then,
you'd say, on the day.

729
00:54:13,700 --> 00:54:18,440
Considering she was hardly famous
outside her publishing circles.

730
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:22,120
I doubt there's anyone round here
would have known her from a bar of soap.

731
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,480
But how prophetic were
your words, Mrs. Gantry.

732
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,700
"It'll all end in tears." Yes.

733
00:54:27,740 --> 00:54:30,220
Oh, excuse me for a moment.

734
00:54:31,820 --> 00:54:35,060
So you'll be staying on,
will you, at the house?

735
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:39,520
Of course, he's talking
now about selling up

736
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:42,520
and going back to
the Far East to live.

737
00:54:43,180 --> 00:54:46,460
So much to come to terms with.

738
00:54:46,500 --> 00:54:51,440
And with this latest development,
one wonders if he'll ever get over it.

739
00:54:51,500 --> 00:54:55,160
- Latest development?
- Oh, you haven't heard?

740
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:59,400
The coroner's report has been
knocking around for days.

741
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:04,480
Though if you want my opinion,
it was definitely news to him.

742
00:55:04,620 --> 00:55:10,700
At the time of her murder, Harriet
Dore was eight weeks pregnant.

743
00:55:49,300 --> 00:55:52,080
Morning! I was just trying it for size

744
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:54,760
and I seem to have broadened
out a bit around the gills.

745
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:56,920
Sorry to disturb you.
You need a hand?

746
00:55:56,960 --> 00:56:01,380
It may seem macabre, but I always
say, if you want a job doing...

747
00:56:01,420 --> 00:56:06,780
And listen, I must tell you, Miss Ross,
I'm such a devotee of your work.

748
00:56:06,820 --> 00:56:11,640
The way you put that case to bed last
year, the painting in the haunted attic.

749
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:14,360
Master-class in ratiocination.

750
00:56:14,100 --> 00:56:16,726
I think some of these screws
will have to come out.

751
00:56:16,726 --> 00:56:17,579
Right, of course.

752
00:56:17,580 --> 00:56:21,666
Well, if your Dr. Watson chappie
is acquainted with drills...

753
00:56:21,666 --> 00:56:22,799
Intimately.

754
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:28,240
No, just so we've got it right, Father,
order of events that day.

755
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:31,220
You were all sitting
there at the table,

756
00:56:31,220 --> 00:56:32,913
you heard all these noises,

757
00:56:32,913 --> 00:56:36,999
and then you actually saw her
pushed out of the window?

758
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:40,040
It's a dreadful business, to be sure.

759
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:44,520
And so Emily was the only other
person around the house that day?

760
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:48,440
No way that looks good, does it?
DUCKS QUACKING

761
00:56:49,180 --> 00:56:52,040
That's my personal copy.

762
00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:53,413
Well thumbed, of course.

763
00:56:53,413 --> 00:56:56,879
Like yourselves, I find
these things quite addictive.

764
00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:59,960
Oh, and something interesting
I found out the other day.

765
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,940
Helen Northcote's middle
name was Catherine.

766
00:57:02,980 --> 00:57:04,740
That's not in the book, of course.

767
00:57:04,780 --> 00:57:07,580
Oh, really? But it pretty
much nails it then?

768
00:57:07,620 --> 00:57:12,040
HCN? And if you're looking for
a weapon that could kill a man

769
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:14,400
in the middle of a lawn
without being seen or heard,

770
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:17,160
how about that blowpipe,
we saw in his study?

771
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:18,573
What's-her-face screams,

772
00:57:18,573 --> 00:57:22,089
so he turns his head and gets
it in the neck from the wife.

773
00:57:22,100 --> 00:57:25,480
Excellent! You have the
mind of a true logician.

774
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:29,952
Though sadly, my dear, that object
in the glass case is no blowpipe.

775
00:57:29,952 --> 00:57:31,018
Far too short.

776
00:57:31,020 --> 00:57:34,920
And there were no puncture marks or
poison darts anywhere on the body.

777
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:37,800
Also, I'm afraid, it was
Katherine spelt with a K.

778
00:57:37,840 --> 00:57:41,100
Still, very interesting that you
bring it up, because when I was

779
00:57:41,140 --> 00:57:44,400
there last week, discussing
the funeral arrangements...

780
00:57:48,060 --> 00:57:52,140
I happened to notice that
pipe was no longer there.

781
00:57:52,180 --> 00:57:55,200
It was an odd meeting, because
he seemed to be suddenly

782
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:59,120
burdened with the issue of man's
accountability for his sins.

783
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:01,046
And the strangest request,

784
00:58:01,046 --> 00:58:04,318
he asked if he might come to the
church and undergo confession.

785
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:08,540
At which point, I'm afraid I had
to leave, when the cat came in.

786
00:58:08,580 --> 00:58:12,300
Very low tolerance, you
see, to our feline friends.

787
00:58:12,340 --> 00:58:16,500
And once the nasal
cavities start opening up...

788
00:58:16,540 --> 00:58:19,280
- And so, did he?
- Did he what?

789
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:21,160
Come to you for confession.

790
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:24,420
Oh, yes. The very next morning.

791
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,500
I can't tell you, obviously,
what he said to me.

792
00:58:33,540 --> 00:58:35,320
Confidentiality of the box.

793
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:38,960
That as well, but mainly
because I fell asleep.

794
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,140
Most dreadful lapse on my part.

795
00:58:41,180 --> 00:58:44,720
All the drugs one has to take
at my age, I'm afraid it's just...

796
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:46,140
PHONE RINGS

797
00:58:46,180 --> 00:58:48,280
Sounds like me.
It must've dropped out.

798
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:51,280
Oh, it's gone dead.

799
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:53,560
Oh, well, they'll call back.

800
00:58:54,220 --> 00:58:57,020
Oh, that's interesting.

801
00:58:57,060 --> 00:58:59,220
The Judas tree.

802
00:59:01,420 --> 00:59:03,540
Come again? You recognise that?

803
00:59:03,580 --> 00:59:06,420
Oh, yes. Cercis siliquastrum.

804
00:59:06,460 --> 00:59:10,460
Always seemed a misnomer
for such a lovely specimen.

805
00:59:10,500 --> 00:59:12,740
But according to legend, of course,

806
00:59:12,780 --> 00:59:16,860
this was the tree from which
Judas Iscariot hanged himself

807
00:59:16,860 --> 00:59:19,800
after betraying Our Lord.

808
00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:22,613
Was there any reason,
would you say, Mrs. Gantry,

809
00:59:22,613 --> 00:59:26,599
why Miss Somerton would want
the deceased out of the way?

810
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:31,260
Let me rephrase that. Was there any
suggestion that she might have had

811
00:59:31,300 --> 00:59:34,560
designs of her own on her employer?

812
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,400
I can't really recall.

813
00:59:37,740 --> 00:59:40,540
Well, let me refresh your memory.

814
00:59:40,580 --> 00:59:43,680
Was there an incident
recently, in the night,

815
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,480
when you had occasion to
visit the accused's bedroom

816
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:48,380
when a light fused?

817
00:59:48,420 --> 00:59:49,880
Well, yes.

818
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:52,340
And can you describe for us

819
00:59:52,340 --> 00:59:55,960
exactly what you saw when
you reached the room?

820
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,180
Mr. Dore was there,

821
00:59:58,220 --> 01:00:01,760
and Miss Somerton, the accused,

822
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:05,000
had her arms around him

823
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:08,320
and her head on his shoulder.

824
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:10,180
She had...

825
01:00:10,220 --> 01:00:13,180
only her underwear on.

826
01:00:13,860 --> 01:00:17,100
She was squeezing him very tightly.

827
01:00:17,660 --> 01:00:20,600
I couldn't hear what she was saying.

828
01:00:20,620 --> 01:00:23,660
Well, no. I...

829
01:00:24,660 --> 01:00:26,900
I saw no-one push her exactly.

830
01:00:26,940 --> 01:00:30,400
But you heard sounds of a
violent struggle going on,

831
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,460
and your wife screaming
at someone.

832
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:34,933
Yes.

833
01:00:34,933 --> 01:00:37,759
We've heard that the shred
of cloth that was in her hand,

834
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:42,220
it has now been confirmed,
was torn from the accused's dress.

835
01:00:42,260 --> 01:00:44,220
And before she died, Mr. Alberic,

836
01:00:44,220 --> 01:00:47,080
can you tell us as precisely
as your memory will allow,

837
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:48,560
what were her last words?

838
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:52,180
She said, "She did it."

839
01:00:52,220 --> 01:00:55,900
"Emily. She murdered me."

840
01:00:55,940 --> 01:00:57,760
I'd be a lot closer to
cracking this thing

841
01:00:57,760 --> 01:01:00,080
if I knew what it was
I was trying to crack.

842
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:04,620
Obviously, a major fit-up, but I
don't fancy her chances with that jury.

843
01:01:04,660 --> 01:01:07,120
I don't know. Have you
noticed there's a lot of

844
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:10,080
dodgy echoes of
creepy movies here?

845
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:13,520
Gaslight and The
Shining spring to mind.

846
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:15,570
And you wouldn't say the
novels of Hugo Dore

847
01:01:15,570 --> 01:01:18,420
were always noted for
their original plotlines.

848
01:01:21,220 --> 01:01:25,040
All right, so he's found out his
wife's been playing around.

849
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,800
Decides to bump her off,
but make it look like

850
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:30,320
the work of his amorous
young housekeeper.

851
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:33,240
He knows she still having
nightmares about some

852
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:35,620
weird experience that
happened 20 years ago,

853
01:01:35,660 --> 01:01:39,960
so he uses that back story
about our Victorian friend

854
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:43,220
to try and spook her into
believing she actually did it.

855
01:01:43,260 --> 01:01:45,780
- Question.
- Mmm?

856
01:01:45,820 --> 01:01:47,800
What are we doing in this place?

857
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:50,140
The owners are in New
Zealand, didn't she say?

858
01:01:50,140 --> 01:01:52,340
The whole thing happened weeks ago.

859
01:01:52,380 --> 01:01:55,100
But a bit of re-staging
and elucidating

860
01:01:55,100 --> 01:01:58,620
can sometimes just
help to focus the mind.

861
01:01:58,660 --> 01:02:03,340
Okay, so you're coming
up the stairs like she did.

862
01:02:09,020 --> 01:02:11,860
From inside the bathroom you hear...

863
01:02:17,440 --> 01:02:20,620
I push open the door

864
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:23,840
and go to the basin.

865
01:02:32,580 --> 01:02:38,540
So whoever it was just tucked
themselves in behind the door

866
01:02:38,580 --> 01:02:43,680
while her back was turned, and then
slipped out again while she was...

867
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:46,120
So that's no big deal.

868
01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:48,600
The only problem being, how could
they possibly know she was going

869
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,400
to come here in the first place,
to set up a stunt like that?

870
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:54,080
Well, fairly obviously, they couldn't.

871
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:57,240
Which can only mean there's
something else going on in this house

872
01:02:57,280 --> 01:03:00,300
that we've yet to get to the bottom of.

873
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:04,360
Okay. More aimless foraging, I think.
You want to take upstairs?

874
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:06,480
I'll go down.

875
01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:25,160
LATCH CLICKS

876
01:03:35,420 --> 01:03:37,420
DOOR SHUTS

877
01:04:34,520 --> 01:04:36,920
All clear out here now,
when you're ready.

878
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:40,340
IN VASE: Yeah, actually, I
might need a bit of a hand.

879
01:04:40,380 --> 01:04:42,760
What do we suppose
he came up here for?

880
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:47,240
Hold on, I think I've got cramp
or something, in my knee.

881
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:57,880
Makes sense, I suppose, he'd use this
place for anything he wanted to hide.

882
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:01,940
Hello? Can you hear me out there?

883
01:05:01,980 --> 01:05:04,700
I'm jammed solid! Hello?!

884
01:05:04,740 --> 01:05:09,700
Ah! Aha!

885
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:11,320
Hidden, we can only assume,

886
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:15,120
to prevent its true function
from becoming apparent.

887
01:05:19,740 --> 01:05:22,460
- Jonathan! Awhh!
- Fascinating.

888
01:05:22,500 --> 01:05:25,160
And at this stage, of course,
the purest hypothesis,

889
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:28,240
but it would certainly all
slot together very neatly.

890
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:30,126
The scream in the garden,

891
01:05:30,126 --> 01:05:33,218
the light bulb that blew in
her room that night and...

892
01:05:35,060 --> 01:05:38,580
...HCN. I mean,
is that obvious or what?

893
01:05:38,580 --> 01:05:40,700
We could have Googled
it and got there quicker.

894
01:05:40,740 --> 01:05:43,760
Jonathan, can I possibly
have your attention?!

895
01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:45,700
- I am seriously stuck in here!
-  Yes, hang on a sec.

896
01:05:45,700 --> 01:05:47,700
And short of a ruddy Caesarean...

897
01:05:47,740 --> 01:05:49,740
What the hell have you
got yourself into?

898
01:05:49,780 --> 01:05:52,340
I didn't have any choice, did
I, with the doors all locked.

899
01:05:52,380 --> 01:05:53,200
Just pull.

900
01:05:53,200 --> 01:05:54,420
I'm going to have to put it on its side.

901
01:05:54,460 --> 01:05:57,520
Ah, God, that's not
helping one little bit.

902
01:05:57,560 --> 01:06:00,760
Ah, careful!

903
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:04,200
Pulling me arm out of it's socket.
How is this going to work?

904
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:06,660
Rocking about all over the place.

905
01:06:06,860 --> 01:06:09,000
My bloody shoulder.
What's happening?

906
01:06:09,000 --> 01:06:10,680
Whoa, oh, ah!

907
01:06:10,760 --> 01:06:17,840
Oh, ow, ow! Ah ah ah! Oh, oh, aah!

908
01:06:19,400 --> 01:06:21,440
SHE COUGHS

909
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:30,440
Hopefully it was insured.

910
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:34,000
Oh, give me some good news.

911
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:38,220
What was all that up there about
screams and gardens and light bulbs?

912
01:06:38,260 --> 01:06:40,380
"Significant facts," was it, you said?

913
01:06:40,420 --> 01:06:43,700
And what did I say about
our Victorian Dr. Northcote?

914
01:06:43,740 --> 01:06:47,180
That he was a close friend of
the scientist, Sir Francis Galton,

915
01:06:47,220 --> 01:06:50,600
who, among his many
varied achievements,

916
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:54,280
is widely credited as the
inventor of the dog whistle.

917
01:06:57,120 --> 01:07:00,700
120 years ago, thereabouts,

918
01:07:00,740 --> 01:07:04,040
a previous housekeeper
at Green Lanterns

919
01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:08,440
famously put a curse on her
employer that caused him to die,

920
01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:12,400
apparently without any
physical explanation.

921
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:17,560
To an impressionable mind, the idea of
that malign presence still in the house,

922
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:21,240
somehow controlling her actions,
was fairly terrifying,

923
01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:26,600
and may have had a direct bearing on
the run-up to Harriet Dore's death.

924
01:07:27,160 --> 01:07:31,820
The mechanics of that first
crime, from all the evidence,

925
01:07:31,860 --> 01:07:34,260
were pretty daunting.

926
01:07:34,300 --> 01:07:39,180
A healthy man with a healthy
heart, in the middle of a lawn,

927
01:07:39,220 --> 01:07:42,080
suddenly keels over and dies.

928
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:44,500
No marks or wounds were detected,

929
01:07:44,500 --> 01:07:47,180
no food or drink that could
have been poisoned,

930
01:07:47,220 --> 01:07:52,100
no possible trigger that could have
caused his death at exactly 3.15,

931
01:07:52,140 --> 01:07:54,180
the moment it was predicted,

932
01:07:54,280 --> 01:07:59,960
just a high-pitched, blood-curdling
scream that came from the bushes.

933
01:08:00,600 --> 01:08:04,480
No significance to that,
fairly obviously.

934
01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:10,680
Unless that scream
was not a reaction...

935
01:08:11,340 --> 01:08:15,140
...but the instrument
of murder itself.

936
01:08:15,180 --> 01:08:19,760
A scream that set in motion
something so lethal

937
01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:23,900
that it could kill within seconds,
and then disappear,

938
01:08:23,940 --> 01:08:28,200
quite literally, into thin air.

939
01:08:29,220 --> 01:08:32,060
Hydrogen cyanide,

940
01:08:32,420 --> 01:08:35,140
HCN,

941
01:08:35,180 --> 01:08:39,400
could be pumped into a
small airtight container...

942
01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:45,400
...and then sealed with a piece of glass
known to shatter at a certain frequency.

943
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:49,800
SHE SCREAMS

944
01:09:08,480 --> 01:09:13,420
Fair to say you'd need specialist skills
to put something like that together,

945
01:09:13,460 --> 01:09:16,660
but I think we can assume
that she had the contacts,

946
01:09:16,700 --> 01:09:20,980
and that her powers of
persuasion were well up to it.

947
01:09:22,020 --> 01:09:26,100
But where do we think the inspiration
for something like that would come from?

948
01:09:28,680 --> 01:09:31,540
A prototype ultrasonic whistle,

949
01:09:31,580 --> 01:09:36,000
known to be in Northcote's
possession at the time.

950
01:09:40,380 --> 01:09:44,300
Too weak, certainly, to crack
a watch at that distance,

951
01:09:44,340 --> 01:09:49,760
but used on a custom-
made replica light bulb,

952
01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:52,720
just outside a bedroom door...

953
01:09:56,800 --> 01:10:02,400
Lights are geared to go off all
over the house, and in the dark,

954
01:10:02,440 --> 01:10:05,440
the picture's easily switched back.

955
01:10:07,400 --> 01:10:09,500
That creepy photo

956
01:10:09,540 --> 01:10:12,500
and the forged letters...

957
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:16,840
...and the apparition
in the woodshed,

958
01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:19,460
from the moment she
arrived in the house,

959
01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:22,260
were all part of an
orchestrated campaign

960
01:10:22,260 --> 01:10:27,260
to make Emily Somerton feel and
look like a woman out of control,

961
01:10:27,260 --> 01:10:29,660
who was capable of murder.

962
01:10:30,220 --> 01:10:32,460
INAUDIBLE

963
01:10:42,740 --> 01:10:46,680
Let me just see if I have
this correct, Mr. Creek.

964
01:10:46,720 --> 01:10:51,780
Mr. Dore, as a calculated
ploy to frame the accused,

965
01:10:51,820 --> 01:10:56,180
has deliberately orchestrated
all the events you describe,

966
01:10:56,220 --> 01:11:02,740
and then pushed his own
wife out of the window.

967
01:11:02,780 --> 01:11:06,560
How exactly, when he
was sitting at a table

968
01:11:06,600 --> 01:11:11,480
on the far side of the garden
with two independent witnesses?

969
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:15,980
It wouldn't be the first case of this
kind where an accomplice was involved.

970
01:11:16,020 --> 01:11:18,660
An accomplice who appears to have borne

971
01:11:18,700 --> 01:11:24,140
a miraculous resemblance to Miss
Somerton, according to the deceased.

972
01:11:24,180 --> 01:11:26,380
From her position in the room,

973
01:11:26,420 --> 01:11:29,480
the way the light's coming
in through that other window,

974
01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:31,720
she'd have been virtually in silhouette.

975
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:34,380
Bearing in mind all the death threats,

976
01:11:34,420 --> 01:11:38,640
the victim's already primed
for her to try something.

977
01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:42,140
The fact that it was
all over in seconds,

978
01:11:42,180 --> 01:11:49,580
Harriet Dore saw exactly
what she expected to see.

979
01:11:52,820 --> 01:11:56,146
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
have you now reached a verdict?

980
01:11:56,146 --> 01:11:57,299
We have.

981
01:11:57,300 --> 01:12:00,440
- Is it a unanimous verdict?
- It is.

982
01:12:00,480 --> 01:12:04,500
On the charge of murdering Harriet
Dore, do you find the defendant,

983
01:12:04,540 --> 01:12:08,220
Emily Anne Somerton,
guilty or not guilty?

984
01:12:09,300 --> 01:12:11,760
Guilty.

985
01:12:15,740 --> 01:12:17,900
"As she was led
away to the cells,"

986
01:12:17,900 --> 01:12:20,360
"with a look of barely
disguised resignation,"

987
01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:23,372
"and many long years
to reflect on her crime,"

988
01:12:23,372 --> 01:12:26,293
"the defence team must have
pondered the wisdom of fielding"

989
01:12:26,293 --> 01:12:31,139
"as their star witness the self-styled
'magic sleuth', Jonathan Creek,"

990
01:12:31,180 --> 01:12:35,060
"whose ludicrous musings and
utterly improbable reasoning"

991
01:12:35,100 --> 01:12:39,160
"would have stretched any jury's
credulity to breaking point."

992
01:12:40,200 --> 01:12:43,020
The thing is, they're right.

993
01:12:43,060 --> 01:12:48,260
All that guff I cobbled together
about an accomplice in silhouette

994
01:12:48,300 --> 01:12:50,880
"seeing what she expected to see",

995
01:12:50,920 --> 01:12:54,460
doesn't get near to explaining
what happened that day.

996
01:12:54,500 --> 01:12:57,720
And the more you turn it all over,
the more you realise that Hugo Dore

997
01:12:57,760 --> 01:13:00,580
was a whole lot smarter
than we gave him credit for.

998
01:13:00,620 --> 01:13:04,140
To kill someone in such a way...

999
01:13:04,180 --> 01:13:09,500
that the victim is going to accuse the
wrong person seconds before they die,

1000
01:13:09,540 --> 01:13:12,780
bordering on psychopathic genius.

1001
01:13:12,840 --> 01:13:16,860
Of course, there is
one other possibility,

1002
01:13:16,900 --> 01:13:20,340
which we both know is
staring us in the face.

1003
01:13:21,360 --> 01:13:24,040
You know what I'm saying, Jonathan.

1004
01:13:24,280 --> 01:13:26,620
Cos I know what it is

1005
01:13:26,660 --> 01:13:32,380
to believe in someone that much, to
build your whole future on someone,

1006
01:13:32,420 --> 01:13:36,800
because it's something you know
and feel, deep down, is right,

1007
01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:40,320
with every instinct you ever trusted.

1008
01:13:40,400 --> 01:13:44,020
And, you know, that
is absolutely the way,

1009
01:13:44,060 --> 01:13:47,060
the true and perfect way,

1010
01:13:47,100 --> 01:13:50,000
to get shat upon from a great height.

1011
01:13:50,040 --> 01:13:51,740
I know.

1012
01:13:51,780 --> 01:13:53,240
I know you know.

1013
01:13:53,280 --> 01:13:55,420
And it makes no difference, does it?

1014
01:13:55,460 --> 01:13:57,700
None whatsoever.

1015
01:13:57,740 --> 01:14:03,180
So, which of the many drawing
boards you want to go back to?

1016
01:14:09,020 --> 01:14:14,760
I suppose it's a lot to hope for, it's
suddenly going to just fall into place.

1017
01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:19,260
Except somewhere here is the
key to how it was all worked.

1018
01:14:22,140 --> 01:14:27,140
You just hope for some slight glimmer.

1019
01:14:54,220 --> 01:14:55,893
Teaspoon?

1020
01:14:55,893 --> 01:14:59,339
Where he dropped his
cup when it happened.

1021
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:02,080
'Course...

1022
01:15:02,120 --> 01:15:06,600
- Cos he's allergic to cats.
- Excuse me?

1023
01:15:06,760 --> 01:15:11,060
Cos they never made it
clear, did they, in court,

1024
01:15:11,100 --> 01:15:13,620
which table they were sitting at.

1025
01:15:13,660 --> 01:15:17,200
But if the cat was over
there, with the birds,

1026
01:15:17,240 --> 01:15:20,200
the only one they could
have been sitting at...

1027
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:26,240
Amazing.

1028
01:15:26,580 --> 01:15:29,920
It's only when you're actually here,
you can see it,

1029
01:15:29,960 --> 01:15:32,920
the solution to the whole trick.

1030
01:15:33,840 --> 01:15:38,660
Pretty much explains, I think, who was
washing their hands in that bathroom.

1031
01:16:48,640 --> 01:16:50,880
OWL HOOTS

1032
01:17:26,580 --> 01:17:29,820
Darling, I'm afraid we've got company.

1033
01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:34,220
Actually, we were just passing.

1034
01:17:35,260 --> 01:17:41,700
So, I wonder what you've got to say
about all this now then, Jonathan?

1035
01:17:41,940 --> 01:17:45,740
What would Ellison
Starberth say at this point?

1036
01:17:45,780 --> 01:17:48,480
We know that between you,
you've pulled off as cynical

1037
01:17:48,480 --> 01:17:50,780
and staggering a deception
as I've ever come across,

1038
01:17:50,820 --> 01:17:53,840
in order to incriminate an
innocent young woman.

1039
01:17:53,880 --> 01:17:56,926
Convincing us all that you'd
fallen to your death that day,

1040
01:17:56,926 --> 01:18:00,399
impaled on a set of metal spikes.

1041
01:18:00,440 --> 01:18:02,740
Just a bit impressive.

1042
01:18:02,780 --> 01:18:05,720
Although we're still quite
curious, it has to be said,

1043
01:18:05,720 --> 01:18:09,260
what it is keeps bringing
you back to this place,

1044
01:18:09,300 --> 01:18:11,920
to the Judas Tree.

1045
01:18:19,140 --> 01:18:25,220
An unnaturally deep concern,
it would seem, for its welfare.

1046
01:18:36,560 --> 01:18:38,780
If it weren't for the location,

1047
01:18:38,820 --> 01:18:43,460
I'd almost be prepared to guess
it was one of you that planted it.

1048
01:18:43,900 --> 01:18:47,380
You're angling for
the truth, Jonathan.

1049
01:18:47,420 --> 01:18:50,420
I wonder if you've got
the stomach for it?

1050
01:18:51,220 --> 01:18:54,380
- Go on.
- Look, we don't have to play this game.

1051
01:18:54,420 --> 01:18:57,440
Let them work for it,
they're so bloody smart.

1052
01:18:58,540 --> 01:19:02,500
Oh God, I just got that shiver.

1053
01:19:02,540 --> 01:19:07,180
This is like when people lay
flowers at the side of the road.

1054
01:19:07,560 --> 01:19:09,840
Something happened here.

1055
01:19:12,760 --> 01:19:15,200
Something horrible.

1056
01:19:16,200 --> 01:19:19,600
Someone close to you?

1057
01:19:20,340 --> 01:19:23,760
It's the strangest thing, you know?

1058
01:19:24,980 --> 01:19:27,580
Growing up with an older brother,

1059
01:19:27,620 --> 01:19:29,900
who's younger than you.

1060
01:19:31,800 --> 01:19:35,840
Strange, but constantly fulfilling.

1061
01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:39,800
Today we call these people "special".

1062
01:19:40,920 --> 01:19:43,560
Well, Danny was certainly that.

1063
01:19:47,480 --> 01:19:50,440
A child at 27,

1064
01:19:51,180 --> 01:19:55,400
born into a world he couldn't
possibly hope to understand.

1065
01:19:56,280 --> 01:19:59,960
Stop! Stop!
Stop, please. stop the car!

1066
01:19:59,960 --> 01:20:01,660
Stop! Stop the car!

1067
01:20:01,700 --> 01:20:07,000
Please, get out! I don't know
what to do. Can you help us?

1068
01:20:07,080 --> 01:20:10,620
There you go. Thank you so much.
She's just there.

1069
01:20:10,360 --> 01:20:11,880
Straight ahead.

1070
01:20:20,380 --> 01:20:22,520
It's my ankle.

1071
01:20:22,600 --> 01:20:25,680
Shit!
SHE SCREAMS

1072
01:21:00,680 --> 01:21:02,800
DULL THUD

1073
01:21:04,820 --> 01:21:06,620
He survived...

1074
01:21:06,620 --> 01:21:10,820
just long enough to paint the picture.

1075
01:21:21,380 --> 01:21:25,360
Of course, when they finally picked
them up, and took it to court,

1076
01:21:25,400 --> 01:21:27,260
two sweet young girls,

1077
01:21:27,300 --> 01:21:31,300
forced to defend themselves against
a man of proven mental inadequacy.

1078
01:21:31,340 --> 01:21:33,040
Of course all the
evidence went their way.

1079
01:21:33,080 --> 01:21:36,120
Not guilty.
SHE EXCLAIMS

1080
01:21:53,140 --> 01:21:55,100
But you got past it.

1081
01:21:55,140 --> 01:21:57,340
For 20 years,

1082
01:21:57,380 --> 01:22:01,420
left the country, changed your
name when your career took off.

1083
01:22:01,460 --> 01:22:03,560
It's only since you got back,

1084
01:22:03,600 --> 01:22:05,340
something,

1085
01:22:05,380 --> 01:22:11,340
or someone, persuaded you it
was time to settle that score.

1086
01:22:11,380 --> 01:22:14,380
It's not very fashionable, but...

1087
01:22:14,420 --> 01:22:18,640
sometimes I think you have to
meet brutality with brutality.

1088
01:22:18,680 --> 01:22:21,100
So what happened?

1089
01:22:21,140 --> 01:22:23,580
You tracked them both down?

1090
01:22:24,600 --> 01:22:28,186
Decided they were going to
pay for what they'd done,

1091
01:22:28,186 --> 01:22:31,779
one with a jail sentence,

1092
01:22:31,820 --> 01:22:35,240
the other with her life.

1093
01:22:46,460 --> 01:22:50,900
Echoes of movies should really
have got me there sooner.

1094
01:22:50,940 --> 01:22:54,920
Cos the way you did it was
straight off a film set, wasn't it?

1095
01:22:54,940 --> 01:22:57,100
Only instead of using
a stunt performer,

1096
01:22:57,100 --> 01:23:00,460
who might just pass
muster in the wide shot,

1097
01:23:00,500 --> 01:23:03,500
you did something quite barbaric.

1098
01:23:03,840 --> 01:23:05,320
Okay.

1099
01:23:05,360 --> 01:23:08,340
As Emily leaves the bedroom,

1100
01:23:08,380 --> 01:23:12,960
your two independent witnesses are
already taking up their positions,

1101
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:17,020
in the one part of the garden
where the illusion will work.

1102
01:23:18,200 --> 01:23:22,920
So at 3.15, as per your
cryptic death threat...

1103
01:23:22,960 --> 01:23:26,220
Have you gone completely insane?!
Get, get your hands off!

1104
01:23:26,260 --> 01:23:28,770
Ah, help me!

1105
01:23:28,770 --> 01:23:30,380
Help me, somebody!

1106
01:23:30,420 --> 01:23:32,860
SHE SCREAMS

1107
01:23:39,100 --> 01:23:44,100
A matter of seconds, you're
downstairs, behind the gate.

1108
01:24:06,320 --> 01:24:09,900
By the time the other two get there,
the switch has been made.

1109
01:24:09,940 --> 01:24:12,840
So seamlessly no-one suspects a thing.

1110
01:24:12,880 --> 01:24:17,880
And, of course, you'd already been at
that fringe on her dress beforehand.

1111
01:24:18,120 --> 01:24:21,300
After they've gone, you
make the switch back.

1112
01:24:21,340 --> 01:24:24,360
Police, paramedics, undertakers,

1113
01:24:24,400 --> 01:24:26,840
all take the whole
thing at face value.

1114
01:24:26,840 --> 01:24:28,780
You've identified the body.

1115
01:24:28,820 --> 01:24:30,420
And as we heard the other week,

1116
01:24:30,460 --> 01:24:35,060
no-one round here knows
Harriet Dore from a bar of soap.

1117
01:24:35,200 --> 01:24:37,780
When Emily took cover in that house,

1118
01:24:37,820 --> 01:24:42,900
she couldn't have known how
close she was to the truth.

1119
01:24:55,660 --> 01:25:01,080
So that was the perfect hidey-hole for
a week or two, till things blew over?

1120
01:25:01,120 --> 01:25:02,360
And since then, what?

1121
01:25:02,360 --> 01:25:04,400
A hotel room somewhere,

1122
01:25:04,540 --> 01:25:10,480
sitting it out till a few months' time,
you'd be back together, overseas.

1123
01:25:10,520 --> 01:25:12,800
That wooden pipe, it turned out,

1124
01:25:12,800 --> 01:25:15,180
wasn't that much of a clue
in the scheme of things.

1125
01:25:15,220 --> 01:25:18,500
If you hadn't made such a
big deal about hiding it.

1126
01:25:19,060 --> 01:25:24,740
The curse of a crime writer,
exploiting all those parallels.

1127
01:25:24,880 --> 01:25:28,320
Just seemed to knit it all together.

1128
01:25:28,460 --> 01:25:32,540
And that mess in the hall, I
take it, was your handiwork...

1129
01:25:33,300 --> 01:25:36,420
...the day I went back for
those reading glasses.

1130
01:25:38,860 --> 01:25:41,700
It never flowered, you see,

1131
01:25:41,740 --> 01:25:44,100
that was always the beauty of it.

1132
01:25:44,140 --> 01:25:46,500
Splendid pink blossom

1133
01:25:46,540 --> 01:25:48,620
in early spring.

1134
01:25:52,120 --> 01:25:54,320
So what now?

1135
01:25:54,540 --> 01:25:57,740
If this were a detective novel...

1136
01:25:57,780 --> 01:26:02,180
You'd hang yourself from one of
the branches, cloaked with shame,

1137
01:26:02,220 --> 01:26:06,460
I'd turn myself in and
your friend would go free.

1138
01:26:06,500 --> 01:26:08,940
The real world, sadly, is
not so neatly structured.

1139
01:26:08,980 --> 01:26:10,320
They didn't believe
your story last time,

1140
01:26:10,320 --> 01:26:12,360
you think they'll
believe this one?

1141
01:26:12,400 --> 01:26:17,526
All right, her condition,
we had no idea about.

1142
01:26:17,526 --> 01:26:19,758
Would it have made a
difference? I don't know.

1143
01:26:19,800 --> 01:26:23,700
I do know it was a lunatic idea coming
out here in the first place tonight.

1144
01:26:23,740 --> 01:26:24,927
Can I suggest, sweetheart,

1145
01:26:24,927 --> 01:26:26,890
whatever we need to discuss
at this stage of the game,

1146
01:26:26,890 --> 01:26:28,766
we discuss another
time, another place?

1147
01:26:28,766 --> 01:26:32,532
Of course. But, of course, when I
got your text, it seemed so urgent...

1148
01:26:32,532 --> 01:26:36,538
My text? Hang on, it was you...

1149
01:26:36,840 --> 01:26:39,160
Oh, I can't believe it...

1150
01:26:39,200 --> 01:26:41,920
This was a setup?

1151
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:44,040
Don't look at us.

1152
01:26:44,080 --> 01:26:48,740
Then, who?

1153
01:26:50,800 --> 01:26:55,640
I suppose it was a betrayal of
trust and confidence, in a sense,

1154
01:26:55,680 --> 01:27:00,140
but when he found out, you see,

1155
01:27:00,180 --> 01:27:05,460
an innocent life had been lost in
that whole gruesome business...

1156
01:27:05,620 --> 01:27:10,040
...that's when he felt the
need to declare his crime.

1157
01:27:10,080 --> 01:27:12,300
INDISTINCT

1158
01:27:12,340 --> 01:27:14,860
SNORING

1159
01:27:24,980 --> 01:27:28,660
And then my dilemma,
of course, was no less.

1160
01:27:28,700 --> 01:27:33,900
That information was sacred,
and not for me to pass on.

1161
01:27:33,920 --> 01:27:39,432
But... when I spotted you out
there last night in the garden,

1162
01:27:39,432 --> 01:27:40,838
it did occur to me.

1163
01:27:40,880 --> 01:27:47,160
A couple of urgent text messages
would bring them and us together.

1164
01:27:47,540 --> 01:27:54,140
But as you say, it does all
feel rather final somehow.

1165
01:27:55,440 --> 01:27:58,540
The hand of God, do we think,

1166
01:27:58,580 --> 01:28:00,940
balancing our lives?

1167
01:28:03,860 --> 01:28:06,820
Our sins are never forgotten.

1168
01:28:09,060 --> 01:28:11,800
Our punishments,

1169
01:28:11,840 --> 01:28:14,420
merely deferred.

1170
01:28:17,260 --> 01:28:19,260
DOOR LOCKED

1171
01:28:36,560 --> 01:28:38,560
Oh.

1172
01:28:38,800 --> 01:28:41,840
- Oh, dear.
- Bad news?

1173
01:28:42,420 --> 01:28:46,880
It's from Mr. Carswell,
deacon at St. Patrick's.

1174
01:28:47,580 --> 01:28:50,060
Father Alberic.

1175
01:28:50,600 --> 01:28:55,840
They found him two nights ago.

1176
01:28:56,800 --> 01:29:01,500
He'd apparently made a DVD.

1177
01:29:01,540 --> 01:29:05,613
'We are all of us unique
and blessed before God'

1178
01:29:05,613 --> 01:29:09,399
'and the tragedy of any
loss touches us all.'

1179
01:29:09,440 --> 01:29:13,400
'But while I am, today,
no longer flesh,'

1180
01:29:13,400 --> 01:29:18,260
'my spirit, I know,
walks among you still.'

1181
01:29:18,300 --> 01:29:21,440
As he said, if you want a job doing.

1182
01:29:21,480 --> 01:29:26,572
'It's a well-worn phrase,
the Lord took him too early.'

1183
01:29:26,572 --> 01:29:30,456
'But you know, I've had
a long and fulfilling life'

1184
01:29:30,456 --> 01:29:32,398
'in the service of our saviour.'

1185
01:29:32,440 --> 01:29:35,320
'Even shared his
interest in woodwork.'

1186
01:29:35,360 --> 01:29:38,320
'An example of my efforts,
as a matter of fact...'

1187
01:29:48,600 --> 01:29:51,440
Now I know I speak for most
people here when I say

1188
01:29:51,440 --> 01:29:56,086
I'm sick and tired of being lectured
to by white middle class intellectuals,

1189
01:29:56,086 --> 01:29:59,218
about what I am and what I'm
not meant to be offended by.

1190
01:29:59,260 --> 01:30:04,020
Believe it or not, we don't need to be
patronised, we can think for ourselves.

1191
01:30:04,060 --> 01:30:05,873
And what I know about this guy

1192
01:30:05,873 --> 01:30:09,399
is that he's real, he's sincere,
and he's got it here.

1193
01:30:09,440 --> 01:30:11,920
And we're proud to have him
on the roll call tonight,

1194
01:30:11,960 --> 01:30:14,180
working for The
Race Against Racism,

1195
01:30:14,180 --> 01:30:18,300
would you please give it
up for Mr. Adam Klaus.

1196
01:30:18,340 --> 01:30:21,360
CHEERING
Okay, folks, let the show commence!

1197
01:30:38,300 --> 01:30:40,280
HE STOPS CLIP

1198
01:30:40,740 --> 01:30:43,100
HE STARTS CLIP

1199
01:30:49,920 --> 01:30:50,946
How was lunch?

1200
01:30:50,946 --> 01:30:53,798
Enrico Caruso could scarce
have sung its praises.

1201
01:30:53,840 --> 01:30:55,952
And we had a fine and fertile
discussion, did we not,

1202
01:30:55,952 --> 01:30:57,458
on the future course of the act.

1203
01:30:57,500 --> 01:31:01,760
You could say my John Dore was
drizzled with creative juices.

1204
01:31:01,800 --> 01:31:03,840
I don't think I'll bother.

1205
01:31:04,840 --> 01:31:09,480
And talking of Dores, are you
over the worst yet? Bless him.

1206
01:31:09,520 --> 01:31:11,940
Cos you've got to be
gutted after all that?

1207
01:31:11,980 --> 01:31:14,080
But listen, you know
what I've been thinking,

1208
01:31:14,080 --> 01:31:18,073
that police shrink she said about
might've been onto something,

1209
01:31:18,073 --> 01:31:21,079
when she talked about blocking
out things that have happened?

1210
01:31:21,120 --> 01:31:23,640
I mean, it wouldn't surprise
me if she had absolutely

1211
01:31:23,640 --> 01:31:25,660
no recollection of that
stuff with his brother.

1212
01:31:25,700 --> 01:31:30,540
Like she'd airbrushed it all out of
her head, the court case, everything.

1213
01:31:30,580 --> 01:31:33,380
You read about all that bollocks,
like a kind of denial.

1214
01:31:34,440 --> 01:31:37,360
And yet she remembered
the man in the grass.

1215
01:31:37,600 --> 01:31:40,000
Well, selective maybe.

1216
01:31:40,040 --> 01:31:43,480
Who knows?
Anyway, I'll just be a sec.

1217
01:31:45,560 --> 01:31:47,920
So listen, last night's gig.
Did you log on yet.

1218
01:31:47,920 --> 01:31:49,920
See whether we made it in
one piece on to YouTube?

1219
01:31:49,960 --> 01:31:54,100
Er ya, yes. Certainly on there.
It's very much as you'd expect.

1220
01:31:54,140 --> 01:31:57,540
Well, let me see.

1221
01:32:00,260 --> 01:32:02,420
Right.

1222
01:32:08,700 --> 01:32:10,940
There's one version.

1223
01:32:16,520 --> 01:32:19,640
Oh, what have we here?

1224
01:32:19,680 --> 01:32:23,720
Uh, yes, I think someone
did also post something...

1225
01:32:23,760 --> 01:32:25,740
different.

1226
01:32:38,000 --> 01:32:41,060
What they've done there,
it's quite interesting actually.

1227
01:32:41,060 --> 01:32:43,320
Used these straight lines up here...

1228
01:32:43,360 --> 01:32:46,360
Like the diagonals on the hat.

1229
01:32:46,400 --> 01:32:48,240
Basic reference points.

1230
01:32:48,280 --> 01:32:53,520
To make it easier to matte in the
Klansman's hood over my face.

1231
01:32:53,560 --> 01:32:56,000
Exactly.
HE STOPS PLAYBACK

1232
01:32:56,040 --> 01:32:58,220
Isn't that interesting?

1233
01:32:59,600 --> 01:33:04,780
Now, I just have to remind myself,
whose idea was it to stage this

1234
01:33:04,820 --> 01:33:09,820
whole routine dressed as a
"grand wizard" in the first place?

1235
01:33:10,980 --> 01:33:13,100
Cos I know it wasn't you.

1236
01:33:15,820 --> 01:33:17,560
Oh!

1237
01:33:17,600 --> 01:33:20,560
- That's a coincidence.
- What?

1238
01:33:21,480 --> 01:33:24,080
Just coming up to 3.15.

1239
01:33:38,940 --> 01:33:41,940
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd